White Knuckles and Id

Want to know
how crazy life is?

Me and my
somewhat prudish friend
were going to the hotel
after work,
and I told him
I was going to
come on to him
while we were
checking in.

“Don’t, dude,” he said.
I promised I wouldn’t.

So he’s checking in,
and I’m asking him
if he just wants to
get one room.

“Dude,” he turns around.

“So tense!
Someone needs a backrub!”

“Come on, dude. Stop.”

I sigh, exasperated.
“Neither ONE of us
is gonna get what we want
with that attitude!”

The desk clerk chuckles,
so now I’m encouraged.

My phone rings.
“Oh look!
It’s my WIFE!
That I have
heterosexual SEX with!”
I’m getting louder now,
so he’s visibly relieved
as I walk outside
to take the call.

I walked back in
after the phone call,
and he was wide-eyed
and shaking his head.

You’re fucking NUTS,” he said.

That guy robbed a bank,
got arrested by the FBI,
and while he was out on bail,
his accomplices
shot and kill him.

True story.

We ended up getting one room,
by the way.

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